


Don't get Cocky

by juuvio



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alcohol, Angst, Drug Use, Fluff, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, M/M, Platonic Relationships, Rape Aftermath, Rape/Non-con Elements, Rare Pairings, Sadism, Underage Drinking, protective bokuto
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-27
Updated: 2017-08-22
Packaged: 2018-11-19 17:22:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 5
Words: 15,877
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11318112
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/juuvio/pseuds/juuvio
Summary: What happens when Kuroo's taunts and provocation goes a bit too far, especially against someone like Ushijima Wakatoshi?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by a fanart I saw a while back, it's sick I know.

“Nice game, Captain!” Yaku called after the tall bed head, who waved in acknowledgment. The court grew in conversations from the sidelines and players interacting and congratulating the other team. Nekoma lost the practise match 1 - 2 to Shiratorizawa, making it a close game due to Kuroo’s powerful blocks against Ushijima, the latter growing more frustrated with Nekoma’s captain as the game went on. Kuroo couldn’t help but be amused at how riled up the big bad Ushijima could get, and just couldn't stop himself from adding fuel to the fire. That’s what he does best after all, being a provocative bastard. ‘ _Jeez I’m annoying.’_ Kuroo snickered to himself and went into the changing rooms to shower, standing under the cold water for probably too long as he heard the outside grow more quiet. Kuroo loved to waste time in the changing rooms until everyone left, so he could have that moment of peace with himself.

 

As he finished showering he changed into sweat pants and black T-shirt, just his hair remaining to dry. He was ruffling his head in the towel when he heard the door open, he didn’t take his head out of the towel to look, he didn’t really care. Until he heard the door lock. _What the hell?_ “Don’t lock me in yet please, I’m not done.” He called, but no answer. He put his head up to spot none other than Ushijima himself, his presence sure was intimidating. “Oh, hi.”

 

“Kuroo Tetsurou…” Ushijima began, stepping a bit closer. “You’re a good middle blocker.”

 

“Thanks! Not gonna lie, I thought my arms were gonna break off from your spikes though, they’re crazy.”

 

“Yet, you stopped them. I’m impressed.”

 

“Full of yourself huh,” Kuroo taunted, and Ushijima gave him a deadly glare, “Relax, I’m just fucking with you.”  

 

“Your hobby is to be an annoying shit, I’m guessing.”

 

Kuroo chuckled at his remark, standing up from the bench. “Yep, it’s fun to watch people like you crack under the annoyance.” Kuroo suddenly remembered he heard the door lock earlier. “Hey, did you lock the door?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“Why?”

 

Ushijima remained silent, his dark eyes trained onto Kuroo who was growing more uncomfortable under his gaze. Kuroo was about to speak before Ushijima lashed towards him, shoving him painfully into the wall and grabbing his hair.

 

Kuroo got winded slightly at the impact. “Fuck! What are you doin - ”

 

“I’ll teach you a lesson for being a cocky asshole.” He growled in Kuroo’s ear, running his strong hand down Kuroo’s torso and stopping at his crotch.

 

“W- what- fuck I’m sorry I was just messing! What are you doing?!”

 

Ushijima roughly turned Kuroo around against the wall and put his hand down his sweatpants, clutching onto his cock and rubbing around the whole area. Kuroo squirmed and struggled but couldn’t get free from the bigger man’s weight on him.

 

“Quit fucking around-” Kuroo was silenced by Ushijima placing his hand over his mouth, using his other free hand to pull down his sweatpants. Panic rising in Kuroo’s chest as he realised what he was doing and struggled more than ever, his protests muted by the hand on his face. Ushijima spat in his hand and cock, grinding it into Kuroo’s behind and then started to push in. Kuroo let out a desperate and scared sound, squirming around to get away. He shoved his whole cock inside him and held Kuroo still while he got into a pace. Pain shot through Kuroo like an earthquake, he was almost certain he was going to pass out. He momentarily let go of Kuroo’s mouth and he used that opportunity to start begging. “Stop, stop, stop please, it fucking hurts! I’ve never done this shit before, get off already!” Kuroo’s voice was broken as he sobbed from the pain and humiliation, but Ushijima ignored him and thrusted hard and fast, pounding relentlessly into Kuroo’s smooth and untouched ass and the warm red blood beginning to seep out down his thighs. He grabbed Kuroo’s face again to quiet him and held his arm up against the wall while he furiously smashed inside him, intending harm and agony.

 

“You really are a virgin back here? Even hurts me fucking your tight shit hole.” Ushijima panted between thrusts, repeatedly slamming himself into Kuroo’s slender frame. A muffled ‘stop’ came from Kuroo but Ushijima couldn’t give this up yet, the pain Kuroo was in was turning him on more and more, the feeling of total power and dominance going straight to his head. Finally, Ushijima felt himself about to explode, taking one last withdraw before stabbing his length completely back into Kuroo to the hilt, and releasing his semen deep into his insides. He almost didn’t realise how limp Kuroo had gone, the struggling died down a while ago now. The tears wet his cheeks and his eyes vacant and glassy. He looked pathetic right now. Ushijima let Kuroo fall to the the floor as he backed away from him, looking over the mess he made. Blood and cum dripped from Kuroo’s ass, and his body trembled while he attempted to scoot away from Ushijima, still not ready to stand back up. “Don’t know where you think you’re going, I have a lot of stamina.” Kuroo’s eyes widened with horror as he looked at Ushijima’s quick erection, wondering if the guy was even human.

 

“No, no please no more…” Kuroo whimpered from the floor, his escape prevented as Ushijima grabbed Kuroo’s legs to drag him back, pinning his arms up above his head as he entered him again, throwing him back into the world of horror, terror and hell.

* * *

 

The canteen was loud, as expected being full of hyper teenage boys. Kenma looked up from his phone as he spotted Kuroo sitting down next to him, not saying a word and his face looking blank and lacking it’s usual light. “Where were you?” Kenma asked, a hint of worry in his voice.

 

“Showering.” Kuroo mumbled under his breath, staring down at his empty plate.

 

“That was a long shower.” Kai mentioned as he dumped a chicken leg on Kuroo’s plate and patted him on the back, but was taken aback at how hard he flinched. “You good? You gotta be hungry after that game, eat.”

 

Kenma noticed the puffiness and how bloodshot Kuroo’s eyes were and frowned with concern. “Kuroo,” He whispered, “are you okay?”

 

Kuroo’s eyes slowly traveled to look at Kenma, staring for a moment too long before he broke out in a wide grin. Kenma saw how it didn’t reach his eyes though. “I’m fine!” He said cheerfully, ruffling Kenma’s hair. One thing Kuroo was better at than provocation was to bury feelings in a deep grave that was to never open, it was only a matter of time before he crumbled down under everything he hid from himself.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I've finally decided to turn this into a multi-chapter fic and give it some form of plot *nervous laughter*. I was initially planning on writing a new fic all together but realised I could continue on from this one and felt this option was my best bet. 
> 
> NOTE: I do not condone rape in any way or form, I think it's disgusting and evil in real life situations. But this is purely fictional, I mean no harm in this piece of writing. If you feel uncomfortable reading such content, please refrain from this fic. Thank you!

Everything was distant, unimportant, just another thing blowing past in another long day. Focus was the lowest point in Kuroo right now, as he found himself drifting further and further away from everything. He was quieter, he made less jokes but just enough to hope no one would catch on that anything was wrong -- no, nothing was wrong. He was completely fine, there’s nothing bothering him. Nothing apart from freezing up whenever someone got too close, whenever Bokuto grabs him playfully like he’d always done, tossing and turning in bed all night unable to turn his mind off, having 7 showers a day to clean off the dirt. Kuroo was fine. Training camp coming around the corner was a sure enough thing to get his mind off things, he’d just have to work extra hard on his mask this time.

 

**.**

 

“Kuroo!” Bokuto’s loud voice called from the changing rooms, “Wanna block my spikes?! I’m not tired yet.”

 

He ran his hand through his extra messy nest on his head and groaned. “Sorry, Bokuto. Maybe tomorrow?”

 

“Aw come on bro you said that yesterday! What’s up, you’re being weird?” The owl haired boy jogged over and patted Kuroo on the chest, “You missing my hugs right? That’s totally it.”

 

“Not now Bo -” Kuroo was interrupted by Bokuto’s laughing and prodding, struggling to push Bokuto’s incoming crushing embrace away. Kuroo failed at that, and was trapped between the bulkier man’s arms. “Bokuto get off, seriously!”

 

“Don’t be like that, come on!” The actions switched over to a headlock and Bokuto knuckled Kuroo’s head roughly, Kuroo struggling for his dear life to get out of the headlock before he finally managed to push Bokuto away, a tad too hard. His hazel eyes were wide, even fearful and he froze in place out of breath. Bokuto’s concern was really starting to rise at Kuroo’s reaction.

 

“Kuroo… Bro, you alright?” He asked, hesitantly stepping closer to him

 

“Don’t!” Kuroo snapped, “Don’t… come close. Please.” His voice was tiny and cracked, coming out as a weak whisper. It was strange, that kind of broken voice coming from Kuroo, one of the strongest people Bokuto knows.

 

Bokuto stood silent for a minute before pushing again. “Hey… I’m sorry bro I didn’t mean to get all up on you like that - I mean we usually do that crap but what’s wrong? Did something happen -”

 

“ _Nothing_.” He hissed. “Nothing happened.”

 

He was defeated, not knowing what to say or do when Kuroo shut himself off like that. Bokuto started to speak again before Daichi came into sight. “Hey, you two. You’re gonna miss all the food if you stay out here -” Daichi stopped as he felt the tension between the two captains and furrowed his brows. “Everything alright here?”

 

“Y - yeah, we’re fine…” Bokuto lied, glancing worriedly at Kuroo. Daichi hovered a bit before nodding, leaving the two be. “Bro, tell me what’s wrong. I’m not leaving you alone until you tell me.”

 

The taller man stood quietly, flicking his eyes around nervously. He didn’t know _what_ to say. He could tell Bokuto, his best friend, anything. But not this. Not something that made Kuroo so dirty and disgusting. Something he was pretty sure he had coming, if he had never pissed off Ushijima it would have never happened.

 

~

 

_Ushijima held himself above Kuroo, watching the nape of the fallen captain and the rise and fall of his back. His breaths trembled, as did his whole body. Dark eyes travelled down Kuroo’s back, down the bloody mess where his member was still buried in. He had completely lost track of time, and this was the third round most likely to be his last as the exhaustion was finally starting to set in. The larger man began moving again, in slower paces to get into a rhythm and felt the wincing and hissing of Kuroo below him. He thought how beautiful Kuroo was, that pained, angry, hateful expression plastered on his sly features. It was too bad someone so pretty had to be such an annoying asshole. Although Ushijima was thankful he was, otherwise he’d have no reason to put him in his place like this. He leaned down as his thrusts got harder and faster, breathing into his victim’s ear and brushing his teeth against his neck._

 

_“How does it feel, Kuroo,” he breathed, “how does it feel to be a bitch?”_

 

_“Fuck you, man.” Kuroo spat through his teeth while he pressed his forehead against his free arm that Ushijima wasn’t pinning down. He hadn’t done a lot of fighting back recently, so it was rather pointless for him to hold him down. It was definitely pointless to even think about getting away, it was easier to just power through it and pray it ended soon. Although with each time Ushijima went again, the session was so much longer. The pain didn’t get better, and Kuroo even blacked out momentarily multiple times from it. He felt a warm hand make it’s way up his shirt and grasp at his chest, running down his belly and finally stopping at his crotch. No amount of arousing actions could make Kuroo feel good at this point, nor in body or in mind._

 

_“It’s pretty hard to turn you on, hm… Not into guys?” Ushijima asked, but Kuroo remained silent. It wasn’t something he actually thought about. Sure, he liked girls. Loved girls actually. Long hair was so his type. But some guys actually did a thing for him too. He guessed that made him bisexual, but was never 100% sure. However, along with his parent’s disapproval of homosexuals, getting violently fucked like this was really starting to put him off the latter. Kuroo was lost deep in thought until Ushijima’s warm, sticky fluid was shot inside him yet again. He wondered how many showers he’d actually have to take to get rid of it all. The weight lifted from his back but Kuroo still found he couldn’t move, another kind of pressure holding him down. A large hand came into his sight and he stared at it. “Can you stand?” That deep voice pained Kuroo’s ears, but it sounded softer than it did earlier. However, he wasn’t about to accept help from his rapist and just ignored him. The ignoring was going well until he felt a firm grip around his arms that pulled him up. He wanted to fight and struggle against him but he had no energy left to do so, and Ushijima wasn’t even picking a fight. He held Kuroo up and half dragged him over to the showers, motioning his finger at his shirt. “Take it off.” He instructed._

 

_“Fuck. Off.”_

 

_“It’ll get wet, take it off or I will.” Ushijima waited for a response, but Kuroo only stared at the floor. He sighed and pulled Kuroo’s shirt up, to his surprise Kuroo didn’t put up a fight. “Socks too…” He lightly pushed Kuroo down onto the shower bench and pulled off his red socks, red really suited Kuroo, Ushijima thought to himself. He pulled Kuroo back up and reached for the shower head to spray water all over him, whom only flinched slightly. It was almost as if he wasn’t there to be able to react much, as though he detached from his body all together. Red streaked in the water flowing down the drain, streaks turning into the entire floor being engulfed in a pink tint. He finished showering him and grabbed Kuroo’s large towel from the bench, wrapping it around him. “How are you feeling?”_

 

 _Kuroo’s listless eyes moved up to meet Ushijima’s, pulling a face as though Ushijima had gone crazy. “How are_ _you_ _feeling is the question. Asking your damn victim how they’re feeling, that’s hilarious.” Kuroo chuckled humorlessly, returning his gaze back to the floor._

 

_Ushijima hummed to himself, standing away from Kuroo and looking him over. “I’ll see you another time, Kuroo.” And just like that, he walked away. Leaving Kuroo with the consistent dripping from the shower head to keep him company, soon to be followed by silent sobs for the next 20 minutes._

 

~

 

_“...roo?”_

 

“Kuroo?” Bokuto asked for now the 8th time. Kuroo’s eyes were distant, and so was his mind apparently when he only just remembered Bokuto was talking to him. “Listen man, I know something’s up so quit hiding it. You might feel better if you tell me?” Silence, and more silence, Bokuto was beginning to think Kuroo had gone catatonic or something. “Did… Did someone hurt you?”

 

“What?” Kuroo replied a bit too quick, sparking realisation in Bokuto.

 

“Who was it. What did they do? I’ll go fuck them up -”

 

“No, Bokuto. I told you nothing’s wrong. So drop it.”

 

“Something _is_ wrong though! I know you, and you’re not being normal right now, something happened.” Bokuto’s bright eyes scanned over Kuroo, noticing the easily missable tremble. He started to think over how Kuroo hated being touched recently, their usual touchy feely moments being flinched away or Kuroo snapping at him. He didn’t want to think it, but he thought it anyway. “Kuroo… who hurt you. What did they do… please tell me.”

 

“I got fucked, okay!” He blurted, the anger and shame painting his features.

 

“You -” Bokuto stopped to think for a moment, registering what he just said. “Like… Who the fuck did it. Tell me right now Tetsurou -”

 

“It doesn’t even matter now, like what the fuck are you even gonna do?”

 

“Fucking kill them!” Bokuto backed away and threw his hands up to his face, pacing and breathing heavily to stop himself from throwing his fist through the wall. “Oh shit… Tetsu I’m sorry… Fuck, fuck why weren’t you gonna tell me bro?!”

 

“Because it doesn’t matter.” He responded flatly, not meeting Bokuto’s wide eyes.

 

“It fucking does man! You’re not okay, that fucker - ugh!” The anger control failed when Bokuto began battering the wall, the skin on his knuckles splitting and tearing away at each blow. Kuroo watched wide eyed before dashing forwards to grab Bokuto’s flailing arms.

 

“Stop -- stop Kou!” Kuroo yelled, his voice panicked when his words wasn’t getting through the fury blinded Bokuto. “Look Koutarou, it doesn’t matter I’m fine!”

 

“You’re _not_ fine! Stop hiding everything bro…” His voice cracked into a sob. “Tell me, who did it… I’ll actually kill them. They fucking dare hurt you like that -”

 

“I won’t tell you who. Never will. It’s not worth it.” Kuroo watched Bokuto’s eyes stream from anger and sadness, and reach out his hands to hold his face in between. “Forget about it, bro.”

 

Before Bokuto could speak, he choked on a sob and glared at Kuroo for a while. “I’m… always gonna be here for you, okay bro? Please stop holding things in… it’s not good for you. Just talk to me.” His voice was begging and insisting, his eyes matching. Kuroo looked at Bokuto for a moment before nodding. Bokuto wanted to hug Kuroo but was painfully reminded about how he reacted earlier, and now knowing what he went through, so he stopped half way. Kuroo noticed his motion and went in for the hug instead.

 

“Thanks, Kou.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter will hold more ships, and a return of a certain character ;) Thank you for reading!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, this chapter is mainly fluff. And I admit I didn't miraculously write this overnight (oh what I'd do to be blessed with quick writing skills, I'm slow as heck), this was already previously written for that other fic I was on about on, but joined it up with this one, so I just ran it through with a few quick edits and voilà!

“Seriously? Like he full on -”

 

Daichi silenced Sugawara by cupping his mid speech lips with his palm, shooting a stern glare. “I mean it’s not really any of our business, but Bokuto really lost it at that wall.” He was guilty of not telling the whole story to Sugawara however, about what he heard _before_ Bokuto almost broke his knuckles.

 

“Was he angry at Kuroo perhaps?” Sugawara asked, his voice hushed to an almost silent volume.

 

He shook his head and glanced around the noisy canteen hall, looking out for whether the two Tokyo captains were going to make an appearance. Apparently not. “No, I think he was just mad at something Kuroo told him, but I didn’t hear what exactly.”

 

“It’s… shocking. Bokuto always seems so hyper and happy, not the angry type really. What about Kuroo?”

 

Daichi felt himself wince, disappointed in himself for eavesdropping so shamefully, yet after hearing what all the fuss was about he felt absolutely awful, but _closure_ at the same time. He had silently taken note on Kuroo’s strange behaviour but of course, the headstrong captain wasn’t one to give in and simply tell someone he wasn’t even that close with something like _that_. Even Bokuto had to put up a fight to pry it out of him. It wasn’t his news to share, so Daichi wouldn’t dare utter a word to even Sugawara. “I think he’s going through a tough time or something. He didn’t seem too happy either.”

 

“Yeah, he looks quite a bit under the weather… Well, he’s pretty good at hiding it but we all know my keen eyes.” He shook out his silver hair and chuckled, relaxing into his seat and taking a gulp of juice. Daichi began to fidget in his wild nerves and the setter took notice. “Don’t worry, I won’t say anything. It’s not our business! Besides, if they make the effort to act fine and happy in front of us we should respect that and just have a good time with them. They’ll take care of each other.”

 

Daichi gave him a firm nod and sighed to himself. True, Kuroo had Bokuto to look out for him, quite clearly. But a part of him ached to say something, to comfort Kuroo _himself_. His relationship with the sly, cat like captain had grown significantly within the past few months and Daichi was guilty of catching even the tiniest bit of feelings. They exchanged numbers from their first practice match and texted each other ever since, and their second meeting in person had relit Daichi’s yearning desire for the bed head. Perhaps it was one sided, or likely Kuroo was straight, and most likely the long distance between the two would hinder anything from sparking all together. So many obstacles that Daichi couldn’t see past, but it didn’t stop him from wondering.  

* * *

 

Daichi awakened in the midst of the night with an uncomfortably full bladder, attempting to plead his body to just ignore it and let him sleep, but it became unbearable and ended up needing to take a trip to the bathroom. Walking down the long, dark hallway was rather unnerving, only the pearly full moon being his source of light. It might have been clever to think about bringing his phone with him, but the sleep still lingered in his foggy brain. As though he wasn’t already on edge, an eerie chuckle sounded beside him in the darkness and Daichi felt the chill of Antarctica stab him in the spine.

 

“Havin’ nightmares about your beloved penalties?” The condescending voice taunted, and even in Daichi’s dazed state he could make a pretty good guess as to who it belonged to.

 

The initial fear evaporated from his tensed body and he relaxed, rolling his eyes as he turned to the source. “Fancy seeing you awake, Kuroo.” As Daichi’s eyes adjusted to the darkness and the moon gleamed upon Nekoma’s captain, he was quite endeared by Kuroo’s attire. Standard oversized black hoodie and grey sweatpants that hugged his ankles, but it was the bright red fluffy socks and black cat slippers that drew his attention. “You really are a cat lover huh?”

 

“Cat _adorer_. I worship the majestic creatures.” Kuroo confirmed, kicking out a foot to show off his pretty amazing slipper. “So, what brings you to wander these lovely halls?”

 

Daichi reminded why he was there by an overwhelming urge to leg it to the bathroom. “I’ll be right back.” He hastily called, avoiding the embarrassment of wetting himself and giving Kuroo yet another reason to haunt him in the back of his mind with his taunts and mockery. The gradual emptying of his bladder honestly felt like touching the heavens with -- well whatever was feeling heavenly right now, and his eyelids slid shut in his moment of peace and tranquility. That was until…

 

“Hey, hey, hey!”

 

Daichi couldn’t even bring himself to be surprised at Bokuto’s stupid grinning face watching him, his face close enough to even feel the breathing of the other captain. He almost didn’t recognise him with his hair down, though he still resembled an owl in his face alone. Daichi settled with the assumption he was actually having a terrible nightmare right now to happen to run into _both_ of the horrifying, shit faced, crazy captains. “Great.” He muttered.

 

“Whassup, Sawamu - ugh what a mouthful, you did say we can just call you Daichi, right?”

 

“Call me what you want but _please_ , for the love of god. Can you stand like a bit further away? I’m still pissing.”

 

A chuckle escaped the silver haired boy, who voiced his painfully obvious insincere apologies and backed off not too far away. It wasn’t long before trouble number one made his appearance in the apparently now social gathering bathroom. Was this how Hinata felt?

 

Beside the point, Daichi glanced down towards Bokuto’s bandaged hands, red seeping through the tainted white. “Looks painful,” Daichi mused whether or not he should ask what happened, because he knows what happened but they don’t know that, “what happened?”

 

“Me vs a wall, I clearly won.” He boasted proudly, looking at his hands as though they achieved serious greatness. Both Kuroo and Bokuto seem to be alright now, or they stepped up their hiding feelings game.

 

“Hmmmm, no I think that wall scored a few solid point against you.” Kuroo joked from the door.

 

“Dammit bro, why you always gotta tear me down!”

 

It was quite hilarious how seriously Bokuto took it to heart, Kuroo even losing his cool and began snickering like a crazy hyena. “Well, I’ll leave you two to your thing.” Daichi finished up washing his hands and pat dried them on his sweatpants. “I’m off to bed, like you two should be.” He was curious how the two had so much energy throughout the day if his suspicions were correct and the two stayed up late like this doing who knows what every night.

 

“What? No way dude come chill with us!” Bokuto pounced fowards to block Daichi’s path.

 

“It’s like 2AM, go to sleep.”

 

“Aw seriously?” Kuroo whined beside him, hooking a loose arm around the back of his neck and left his hand dangling on his chest. Daichi was positive he had never been so up close to Kuroo, close enough to catch the gentle fruity body wash scent lingering on his skin. “Why would you pass up bonding with your two favorite rivals? Funny, _you’re less shy when you text me_.”

 

Daichi felt his eyes widen at Kuroo’s blatant provocation, which was also to not so low key inform Bokuto that they went a little further than the court. “What?! You guys are texting buddies? Hey come on that’s not fair, Daichi wouldn’t give me his number!”

 

“I’m obviously the favorite, who wouldn’t love me?”

 

A headache brewed in Daichi’s temples at the two bickering either side of him. “Jesus you two, be a bit more quiet before you wake someone!”

 

“So, Daichi. I can get your number too right?” Bokuto pried, and Daichi knew he wasn’t getting out of it.

 

“Tomorr- later, I left my phone in the room.”

 

“You’re just telling him that, right? I’m totally the only one with ‘Daichi’s number’ privileges.” Kuroo whispered loudly enough for Bokuto to hear him too.

 

This was an ongoing cycle, and Daichi couldn’t believe he was actually putting up with the two harassing nuisances, yet at the same time he enjoyed their company. They were silly, lighthearted, to some extent funny and genuinely good guys. He could see why Bokuto reacted the way he did earlier that day, it was clear to even the most dense of people that they really loved each other. Maybe not romantically, but they were soulmates in another way. It was hard to picture the weeping and trembling Bokuto he had witnessed not too long ago, seeing him grinning so brightly right now. Eventually the jokes and childish behaviour subsided and faded out into the darkness, being replaced by their hidden maturity.      

 

“You know, four-eyes has serious potential.” Kuroo commented. “Why does he let himself get overshadowed so badly by shrimpy?”

 

“It’s quite easy to be overpowered by Hinata’s constantly growing determination and his tendency to push boundaries endlessly, and naturally you’d fall behind someone like that unless you chase it up. Tsukishima isn’t really the type of guy to chase such opportunity if he sees serious competition.” Daichi replied, looking up into the parting clouds of the dark blanket above them, revealing the radiant glitter scattered in the night sky.

 

“He really needs to find his hook! I guarantee you and your damn crows will fly to greatness once he unlocks his potential.” Bokuto nodded proudly, excited for the day Tsukishima finally finds the moment that gets him hooked to volleyball, just as he had. He was beyond positive Tsukishima would have his moment, all it takes is patience. Even Bokuto could wait on that.

 

Daichi shifted his eyes to Kuroo, who had a serene expression for once, as did Bokuto. It was quite a sight to see those two looking exceptionally calm and peaceful in contrast to the usual faces they pull. “So… What were you two doing awake anyway? This a nightly thing?”

 

“Rough night, I suppose.” Kuroo mumbled below hearing level, but Daichi managed to catch it miraculously. Judging by Bokuto’s silence, their late night adventure was for the reason Daichi expected it to be. He wanted to express his anger as Bokuto did, but to them he was clueless so he kept himself quiet.

 

An unnatural source of light flared in Bokuto’s pocket, who in turn withdrew his phone and squinted at the screen, his confusion morphing to horror. “Oh shit, Akaashi realised I’m out of bed.” He hopped off the wall were they sat and made a run for it towards the building, briefly turning around to wave. “Night!”  

 

“Fucking hell, Akaashi owns the guy.” Kuroo giggled from his spot. “Then again, he’d be hopeless without a handler.”

 

Daichi hummed a low laugh behind his smile, hesitantly glancing back at Kuroo. The moon light really did make him look alluring, captivating Daichi to the point he had to forcefully tear his eyes away before he was caught staring too hard. From the corner of his eye he spotted the mess of hair bow down slightly, followed by a click and a brief flash of warm light adding glow to Kuroo’s face. He returned his eyes out of curiosity and saw he was lighting a cigarette. “Oh, you smoke?”

 

“Uh-huh. But not in front of Bo or he’d want one too.” He spoke past the lung killer between his lips. Daichi usually found smoking terribly unattractive, but the way the milky smoke danced around Kuroo looked quite divine. He wondered what else he didn’t know about Kuroo, probably a lot.

 

“It’s a shame we live far away from each other, your company isn’t all that bad.”

 

“ _All that bad_?” He snorted. “I’m almost insulted. But yeah, it sucks… I mean by train it’s like an hour though? So we could still see each other on the weekends if we have enough effort.”

 

“True -- wait I mean… You’d want to see me outside, well… This?”

 

“Outside volleyball? Of course, we’re friends right?”

 

 _Friends._ Daichi almost let the word slip past his lips but restrained himself. It was an internal war within his skull about how he felt about Kuroo, he didn’t even know a whole lot about the guy but he drove him crazy anyway. “For sure, although I’m obliged to hate you on the court. You’re the antagonist to our Karasuno story.”   

 

“Gah, you’re breaking the villain's heart ~” Kuroo let himself fall back onto the grass, dramatically clutching his chest and began to stargaze. “Join me, the sky’s pretty.”

 

Daichi deliberated whether or not to reject, but realised turning down the offer would definitely look weird. They were only friends after all. So he set himself down, the cool grass dampening his back but could be easily ignored with the stunning and marvelling beauty of the night sky. “Woah.”

 

“Yeah, pretty sick huh?” Silence fell upon them, but it felt nice. Just chilling out like this, staring up at the sky like the sappy pair they secretly were. “To be honest, I thought you were getting bored of me or something. You didn’t text me as often.” The sulleness in his voice was subtle, but definitely there.

 

Pushing himself up onto his elbows, Daichi watched Kuroo fling the cigarette butt quite a distance away as he knitted his brows. “Huh? I still text you though.”

 

“Well yeah but not _as_ much.” Kuroo chuckled, still not looking at Daichi.

 

It surprised Daichi honestly, that Kuroo would feel genuinely hurt over less frequent texts. “Oh damn, sorry… I didn’t realise. It’s been quite busy lately.”

 

“Pfff nah don’t worry, I’m just being moody.”

 

“Hey Kuroo,” He debated furiously in his mind as to whether or not he should ask, leaning more onto the ‘leave it’ side, “are you okay?” He couldn’t resist.

 

“Course I am, why wouldn’t I be?” A terrible lie.

 

“Well earlier today I kinda intruded on you and Bokuto,” Daichi watched Kuroo’s body language suddenly shift to defensive, glaring up at Daichi with those sharp amber eyes like he was ready to fire back at whatever he had coming for him, “and you seemed kind of out of it, or like upset.”

 

He softened, but not entirely. “Hah, no it’s nothing. Don’t worry.”

 

 _Don’t push, don’t push, don’t push._ “You know if something’s bothering you, you can talk to me. I mean only if you want to and all but I’m a pretty decent listener.” _I should really drop this._

 

He glanced down at Kuroo when the silence was stretched out to an uncomfortable length of time, and never had he imagined Kuroo’s eyes to look so sincere and soft, a gentle smile topping it all off. _God, he’s gorgeous._ The tenuous burning beneath Daichi’s skin made itself known as he left his eyes locked onto the beauty next to him. “You’re so cute, Daichi ~”

 

Maybe he was joking, or meant it in a totally friendly approach, or something that wasn’t suppose to leave Daichi an unnatural shade of red, but it did anyway. “W-what?”

 

Kuroo’s dorky laugh rang through the night, it wasn’t an angel’s laugh that was for sure, but it sounded like it really came from his heart. “Wooow, 50 Shades of Red or what?”

 

“Shut the hell up.”

 

“So cute.”

* * *

 Mere, delicately thin eyelids doesn’t succeed well in doing their job when faced with the blinding beams of the risen sun directly above them, and Daichi figured that much out when he awakened to a luminous orange. It took him too long to realise his eyes were actually still shut, and even longer to process the giggles and whispers above him. He shot himself upright so fast that his mind couldn’t tell if he was still lying down and his blance suffered a meltdown at the confusion and miscommunication within his brain signals, but he finally managed to crack an eye open. Blinded by a searing white at first attempt, but it gradually died down to reveal the other volleyball players. _Oh god, I did not just fall asleep outside -_ Daichi whipped his head to look down beside him, where Kuroo was far into dream world face down in the grass, his hands loosely clutched to the sides of his head. A sound of a phone’s camera shutter startled him back to reality. “Oh shit.”

 

“Language, Daichi!” Sugawara hissed, playfulness attached to his tone.

 

“I’ve never seen Kuroo so still... Is he dead?”

 

“Look, look, _his slippers!_ ”

 

“He’s so cute… Hey, hey look at this one -”

 

“Bokuto-san, stop taking pictures.”

 

“Kuroo and Sawamuraaaa, that's adorable…”

 

“Turn his head so we can draw on him!”

 

“Leave him alone, guys.”

 

Daichi chuckled slightly at the other players, little guilt felt over the way they practically bullied the poor captain. “Ugh, what time is it?” Daichi croaked, sleep still thick in his vocals.

 

“Better question is why are you even asleep out here… With _him_ .” Sugawara hushed down his last few words, side glancing Kuroo’s sleeping form. The sly smirk could be seen miles away on this so called _angel’s_ face.

 

Before he could muster up the words, Kuroo began to stir and groaned. What was even more fascinating was the way he stretched out his arms ahead of him and his back arched inwards, very much like how a cat would stretch out. Eyelids still glues together, hair surprising even more of a mess than it usually is, and blades and grass clinging to his nose, cheeks and bangs. Now that was _cute_ . “What the fuck.” His voice was raspy and hoarse, or maybe _extremely sexy_ was a better description. Kuroo finally managed to force an eye open, his warm eye squinting desperately in Daichi’s direction.

 

“Yeah. We fell asleep.” Daichi confirmed Kuroo’s silent question, who threw his face back down into the grass and made the noise of some sort of strangled cat.

 

“Shit.”

 

**.**

 

Falling asleep on the cold ground did not do justice for either Daichi’s or Kuroo’s muscles. Receives were missed, jumps were pathetic, their entire game was just completely off. Eventually they just had to sit out the games and wallow in self-pity along with Bokuto and his battered fists.

 

“Well, on the upside you didn’t have to do penalties!” Kuroo encouraged, yet it came out as more of an insult as he was clearly suggesting that penalties were 100% unavoidable for Karasuno.  

 

“Shut up.”

 

They were shortly joined with the other players as the end of their games approached, as well as the end of the day. Conversations were exchanged and all went as normal, but Daichi couldn’t help but feel a little miserable at the fact the training camp was almost over.

 

“Guys, you know there’s like 2 days left of training camp.” Of course someone had to mention it, shoving Daichi in the dirt he was already in.

 

“Aw sucks, you lot gonna go back to your farms and shit.”

 

“Farms?”

 

“Countryside is like farms right?”

 

“Shut up, city boy!”

 

“Ignore them maybe they’ll _both_ shut up.”

 

“Actually,” Sugawara interrupted the painful bickering, “how would you guys like to come over to Miyagi? Around 2 weekends from now?”

 

 _2 Weekends from now? Isn’t that when-_ “Oh, oooh! Grand King’s party!” Hinata exclaimed, excitement seeping from the ball of energy.

 

“Who said you’re invited? You’re too young.” Tanaka shot.

 

“Wha?! No I’m not, I’m coming!”

 

Sugawara ignored whatever was going on and continued. “Yeah! So, a friend of ours is having a house party because his parents are out for a week. He said to invite _everyone_. So, you guys up for it?”

 

“Oh damn his house is gonna get trashed.” Tanaka snickered quietly.

 

“Fitting, for a piece of trash like him!” Nishinoya added.

 

“I hear party… I’m so up for it! Kuroo bro you too right?!” Bokuto definitely seemed like the life of the party type, and Oikawa’s house will most definitely suffer with his energy there. Or even worse, him _and_ Kuroo.

 

“Yey, let’s get wasted.” Kuroo mumbled past the tilted cup at his lips, slurping his drink loudly.

 

“Heh, well now Oikawa can’t complain about it being _too quiet_.” Sugawara chuckled in Daichi’s ear.

 

Karasuno’s captain let a smile creep up onto his face, allowing it to grow that little bit wider as his eyes locked on with feline, amber orbs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprise ship was kurodai! Rare pairs are definitely my thing (well I mean kurodai barely classes as a rarepair but I wouldn't call it exactly mainstream). I lied though, 'certain character' isn't in this chapter because I split it up into two chapters. I haven't gotten soft I assure you, suffering will return! 
> 
> Thanks for reading! :D


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kuroo reunites with a certain someone at Oikawa's party.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here's a new chapter! I didn't proof read properly so I'll go through it again when I'm less tired, apologies in advance for any atrocious mistakes. 
> 
> NOTE: This chapter contains rape / non-con, if you are uncomfortable reading such content please refrain from reading this chapter and/or the whole fanfic.

Seeing stretches of green rather than the usual urban terrain was a marvelling sight for the city boys, or at least the ones that were still awake. If Bokuto and Kuroo hadn’t already stirred from Komi’s and Yamamoto’s annoying _oooh’s_ , then it was likely they wouldn’t wake at anything else other than being violently shook. Their soft snores rattled at the back of their throats, overridden by the humming and occasional clangs of the train. Kuroo’s head rested on the other’s shoulder while Bokuto was on the verge of breaking his neck by letting it loll backwards. Akaashi had refrained from falling asleep in fear that no one else would pay attention to their stop, which _would_ happen and no one could convince him otherwise.

 

“Are we there yet.” Yamamoto groaned, stretching out his arms and yawning.

 

“Not long now, we’ve been on the train for…” Akaashi glanced at his phone to confirm the time, “1 hour and 20 minutes or so.”

 

_[“Attention; passengers. The train will arrive at Sendai Station within 5 minutes, please gather all your personal belongings.”]_

 

Kai’s attention perked up and he nudged Yaku, who was only just beginning to drift off to sleep. “Sendai? We’re getting off there right?” He asked.

 

Akaashi nodded and shook Bokuto gently, gradually turning more rough upon his lack of response. “Bokuto-san, get up please.” A low mumble of a probably non existent word left the sleeping owl-haired boy, and Akaashi sighed. “Bokuto!”

 

His breath caught on a snore and his snapped his head up, drool peeking at the corner of his mouth and eyes miles away. “Wha -?”

 

“Wake Kuroo up.”

 

“Uh-huh…” Bokuto eyes blinked rapidly as if to wake them up, and he took a quick look around the train cart. “Oh my god, we’ve lost Kenma!”

 

“Kenma didn’t come.”

 

“Oh.”

* * *

 

The sky was painted a beautiful mix of oranges, pinks and purples, dyed clouds to top off the scenery. Daichi could watch every moment the sun sank lower, but the constant buzzing of his phone distracted him from his moment of peace.

 

**< < < From: Oikawa**

**Fri. 7:36 PM**

 

_Yoooooooooo where r u daddy?_

 

**To: Oikawa > > >**

**Fri. 7:39 PM**

 

_Waiting for your guests. And please don’t call me that._

 

**< < < From: Oikawa**

**Fri. 7:42 PM**

 

_Geeeeeeez man how long they gonna be? They better b worth it_

 

Daichi had to stop himself from snorting at Oikawa’s ignorance to what kind of people Sugawara invited.

 

**To: Oikawa > > >**

**Fri. 7:44 PM**

 

_Tokyo is quite far you know. And believe me, they’ll make the party. They’re from the big bad city after all, doesn’t that say a lot?_

 

**< < < From: Oikawa**

**Fri. 7:45 PM**

 

_k they better not be crazy right?_

 

_Like they arnt old men or anything right?_

 

_r they our age???_

_daichiiiiii_

 

**To: Oikawa > > >**

**Fri. 7:51 PM**

 

_Relax, Like I said, they’re volleyball players too. So you’ll have something to talk about._

 

**< < < From: Oikawa**

**Fri. 7:53 PM**

 

_whhhhaaat I >always< have something to talk about with anyone, thats how good i am at talking _

 

**To: Oikawa > > >**

**Fri. 7:54 PM**

 

_Because you never shut up?_

 

**< < < From: Oikawa**

**Fri. 7:57 PM**

 

_Ouch. anyway dont b long, 9 at latest. actually no half 8. or denied entry._

 

**To: Oikawa > > >**

**Fri. 7:58 PM**

 

_Of course._

 

He felt his eyes roll as he hit send, like hell Oikawa would deny them entry. Even though Daichi was certain the place would be packed full of the acquired frenemies within the Miyagi Prefecture, Oikawa wouldn’t dare turn down people with hair like Bokuto and Kuroo. Either that or he’d get scared and slam the door on them, believing they’re hardcore delinquents that would destroy his home. _Delinquents_. Hilarious term to address the cat and owl by if you knew the dorks.

 

The screeching train tracks brought Daichi back to earth from his thoughts, watching the gleaming headlights of the train fast approaching. It felt like hours later before the lengthy transporter finally came to a total stop, the bells ringing as the doors slid open. Daichi kept his eyes peeled as he watched each train cart attentively in search of the boys, not like it would be much of a challenge anyway but for all he knew, they could have turned up with flat hair. He’d be lying to himself if he convinced himself that he wasn’t looking for Kuroo in particular, other than the fact his hair would be the most obvious along with his drawn attraction to the boy anyway. _“Stop it…”_ He subconsciously muttered to himself, but that didn’t prevent the wild running thoughts of Kuroo invading his head.

 

“Hey, Daichi~ Hope we didn’t keep you waiting too long.”

 

 _Shit._ The husky voice was located behind Daichi and he whipped his head around to meet with the rooster hair and piercing regal eyes. Judging by the face he was pulling and the roughness to his voice, he just woke up, understandably. Daichi’s cinnamon eyes travelled down Kuroo, noting his casual attire yet even the randomly thrown together look sat beautifully on Kuroo’s slender frame. He wore a baggy pale grey hoodie that wasn’t quite zipped all the way up, and assumingly a plain black t-shirt underneath along with close-fitting black jeans which were ripped at the knees, crinkling more as it travelled down his legs. Kuroo literally had legs for days, and seeing those jeans hug his figure drove Daichi silently crazy. “Oh, Kuroo. Had a nice sleep?”

 

“That obvious?” Kuroo laughed lightly. “You look nice, by the way.”

 

Was he flirting, or was Daichi too blinded by his own desires to see a simple friendly approach? “Thank you, you too. Uh, where’s the others?”

 

“Emptying their bladders to hell. Train toilets are kinda gross.”

 

“Ugh, I can agree on that one.” Daichi followed Kuroo up the steps and watched the taller boy jog over to a vending machine.

 

“I’m so starved! Though I fancy savoury. And salty. These are all sweet.”

 

“Pretty sure there’s a sandwich place near the exit.”

 

“Oh, really? Sandwich it is! Oh and look at this.” Kuroo turned on his heel suddenly and pulled the zip to his hoodie down, revealing that his shirt was not completely plain as Daichi assumed. It had a white outline of a mackerel with an X for it’s eye, indicating it’s dead. On top of the fact it was likely a _grilled_ mackerel, which aren’t exactly alive.

 

Daichi snorted and failed to hold back a grin. “You are the biggest dork, you know that right?”

 

“Oh come on, everyone should have a piece of clothing to represent their favourite food!”

 

“If someone finds me a shirt with BBQ meat all over it I’ll marry them.” Bokuto commented as he approached the two along with the rest of the group.

 

“Bro, I was gonna look for something like that for you birthday, but I’ll pass up on the marrying.” Kuroo smirked.

 

“What’s wrong with marrying me!”

 

“Eh, too annoying!”

* * *

 Kuroo couldn’t tell if time had stopped or he just died where he stood and his soul had long left his body. He was kind of hoping for the latter, as morbid as that was. Stood before him was only the guy who single handedly _almost_ ruined his life, and his ass hole for that matter, and had no ounce of shock even guilt on that annoyingly inexpressive face of his.

 

“Kuroooo?” Right, Oikawa was introducing him to this monster, he debated internally whether he could just carry on standing there with his mouth open or cry or maybe just leap out the window.

 

“Oh, he knows me.” Ushijima finally spoke, assuring Oikawa. “We played against each other not too long ago, I respect him as a good player.”

 

 _Respect_ ? It took every cell in his body to restrain a god awful laugh from escaping and making himself look completely insane. “Oh yeah, nice to meet you. _Again_.” Kuroo spat through his fake grin.

 

“Eeeh?! Why don’t you compliment me like that! I’m a good setter right?”

 

“I have. By telling you that you went to the wrong school -”

 

“Okay bye I’m ditching you, Kuroo your cup is empty get another drink!” Oikawa gracefully exited the scene to go and bug some other party guests, leaving Kuroo alone with Ushijima. Kuroo couldn’t even rip his hateful glare away from Ushijima, he wished he had brought a knife or something.

 

“How have you been, Kuroo?”

 

Now he had no reason to hold back a dark chuckle. Either he had lost his mind and he was imagining the whole thing or Ushijima was plain nuts to even dare ask that. “Are you fucking serious?” He hissed.

 

“I don’t understand why you’re getting upset, didn’t we have a good _game_ last time?” Kuroo didn’t even need to ask which _game_ Ushijima was referring to, but he felt his blood practically sizzle under his skin with each passing moment.

 

“I hate you. Literally, _hate_ you.” Kuroo didn’t want to spend his entire night gritting his teeth so he finally gathered up the willpower to just turn around and avoid a fight, almost stomping over to the drinks table. He didn’t want to turn around to see Ushijima glaring at him with his predatory eyes, the faint burning at the back of Kuroo’s head could already be felt.

 

His hand trembled viciously as he attempted to pour the drink, finding it nearing impossible to divert his mind away from Ushijima. Why did he have to be here? Why did no one freaking tell him the guest list or something? Why did - “Kuroo I can hear your grinding your teeth from all the way over there!”

 

The voice was almost drowned out by the blaring music and deafening sound of his own heartbeat throbbing in his ears, looking up to meet with Sugawara’s soft eyes glazed with concern.

 

“You’re not on drugs, right?”

 

“Oh my god, no!” Kuroo defended.

 

“What’s up then, you look sort of shaky… and you’re sweating loads! Take your hoodie off maybe?”

 

“Nothing, don’t worry.” Kuroo attempted to close the case right there, but Sugawara’s intense gaze on him felt like a bear sat on his chest. “I just- I dunno. Someone here I don’t get along with. Or something…”

 

“Surprising! You may be a bit of an ass,” Kuroo’s side glare was swiftly ignored, “but you’re hard to _not_ get along with. Well, whoever they are. Don’t give two shits about them, you have us!”

 

The tension gradually eased up visibly and Kuroo’s shoulders slumped a bit. “Yeah, you’re right. Thanks.”

 

“Wait, you know someone from Miyagi that’s not in Karasuno?”

 

“Nekoma has quite a few practice matches with clubs all over the country…”

 

“Geez, I wish we were that social.”

 

“Too many enemies that way, I hate it.” Kuroo chuckled.

 

“If you put it that way, never mind about being social!” Sugawara gave Kuroo a comforting pat on the back and motioned his head towards the table where some drinking game was being held. “Fill your cup up so we can go play.”

 

Kuroo nodded and made himself a drink, pouring maybe just a bit too much alcohol and not enough soft drink to make an acceptable ratio, but at this point he didn't care. He just wanted to get drunk, really drunk. Upon turning around and making his way towards the table, he felt like throwing someone out of their seat to avoid the _only_ available seat left. Next to Daichi, not bad at all, but Ushijima coincidently on the other side? What kind of night terror was Kuroo experiencing right now. “Kuroo quit hovering we wanna start!” Someone called, but Kuoo couldn’t make out who it was past the intense ringing in his ears. _What do I do..._

 

He forced his legs to move and hesitantly sat in the seat, giving Daichi a half hearted grin to somehow cover his mid mental break down. Kuroo was hit with the solution to just drink, and carry on drinking until he’s dead. Perfect. “Oi, Bokuto. Wanna do shots?”

 

“Hell yeah! Oiks you got shot glasses?”

 

“Iwa-chan can you go grab the shot glasses~ I’ll join in on that.”

 

Kuroo mentally applauded himself, he just narrowly avoided screaming in front of 20 odd people and instead chose to step closer to his grave. At least it was typical for people their age to drink themselves half to death and not get questioned about it, but of course there had to be that one person to notice Kuroo was uncharacteristically rushing.

 

“Kuroo, don’t drink too fast.” Yaku warned from next to Daichi.

 

“I agree, you’ll regret it in the morning.” Daichi added.

 

Kuroo stopped himself mid sigh. “Loosen up a little! I haven’t got wasted in a while.” That seemed to do the trick.

 

The game went on smoothly, Kuroo going through who knows how many drinks but he was definitely started to feel the buzz setting in too quickly for him to process it properly. And along with intoxication came confidence, lack of intellect, absolute zero thought process and just being plain stupid. “Fuck I’m drunk.” He muttered.

 

“Your turn, Kuroo.” Ushijima reminded beside him, tapping Kuroo’s relaxed hand on the table with his own. Kuroo, being totally drunk, forgot all about Ushijima and just grinned at him as though he bared no hatred.

 

“Oh shit, thanks.” He moved his hand to take a card, flipping it over to reveal a king. “Uhh...”

 

A sudden burst of laughed erupted from Bokuto. “That was the last king! Good game. Dirty shot time!”

 

Kuroo may have been wasted, but he knew he was already way past his limit. “Seriously, Bo… Take half for me!”

 

“Don’t be a pussy now bro.”

 

“Take the shot!”

 

“Rest in peace.”

 

This would have been Kuroo’s 9th shot, and things weren’t looking too good. “I hate you all.” A swift chug to avoid the horrendous taste but he couldn’t avoid the gag from the sickly burn in his throat. The only comfort he received was a soothing pat on the back, surprising from Ushijima.

 

“You’ll live, I think.” He reassured.

 

“I hope not…” Kuroo groaned.

 

“Alright ladies… Spin the bottle now?” Oikawa suggested.

 

“This can’t get anymore gay can it.” Iwaizumi ran a hand down his face.

 

“I’m sure at least half of you have pussies! Most definitely if you back out of this game.”

 

An innocent game, really. But the thought of anything merely sexual made Kuroo’s stomach turn. He didn’t want to kiss anyone, he didn’t want to _touch_ anyone. Those dark thoughts invading his mind also reminded him he was suppose to be hating on Ushijima. The dick that made him so hateful to something he’d normally love. The gods thankfully heard Kuroo’s prayers and the bottle didn’t land on him for a good while, or so he thought.

 

“Oooo Daichi, we finally get to see you in action!”

 

“Yeah, enough of Terushima being a slut.”

 

A lengthy sigh left Karasuno’s captain. “Great…”

 

The bottle span ungracefully, maneuvering itself half way across the table then slowed to a stop on Kuroo. He didn’t even need to look to basically feel the heat of Daichi’s face radiate off him. “Oh.” Was all he could say, turning on his seat to face the adorably red Daichi. “Shy, are we?”

 

“Get it over with.”

 

Kuroo closed the space between them, and what was intended to be a quick peck drew out to something far more passionate. It was strange, not even 5 minutes ago he was dreading coming into contact with absolutely anyone, but Daichi for some reason was acceptable. Time was either moving incredibly slow in their heated make out, or they were literally just taking really long. Finally, Kuroo was first to pull away, be stayed in a close distance as his eyes gradually slid open again, taking in every detail to Daichi’s face. The giggling, cheering and _ooo’s_ were ignored in their bubble, anything outside of it going silent. “Sorry.” Kuroo blurted.

 

“W-what, no, no that was…” Daichi lost track of what he was suppose to be saying, but shot Kuroo an awkward smile before the two finally pulled away completely.

 

“First they sleep together outside now they’re smooching like lovers.” Someone whispered.

 

“Jealous we clearly have better action than you’d ever get?” Kuroo shot back, a sly smirk crossing his face. He had no idea what he was saying, it wasn’t like he was fully into guys or anything. He was sure of it, after…

 

“Ooooh Kuroo, bottle landed on you again!”

 

“Shit.” Kuroo could feel the icy sweat creep down his neck and face, watching the bottle too intently for it to be classed as normal. He wasn’t sure if he’d care if it was Daichi again or not, he still hasn’t comprehended what the hell just happened there. _Oh my god._

 

“Ushiwaka!”

 

 _Someone wake me up please. Or let me die, why is this happening?_ The sudden tense up of Kuroo’s shoulders could be felt from across the table, yet it didn’t stop the others from egging them on for them to kiss already. Kuroo could barely get himself to turn to face Ushijima, but when he finally did his blood ran cold. A menacing, frightening grin stretched across Ushijima’s face, but after a few rapid blinks it was replaced with his regular nonexistent expression. It was clear after a few moments Kuroo was too frozen in place to make a move, so Ushijima came forwards and crushed their lips together. Kuroo could only feel the same lack of power and control he felt the last time Ushijima touched him, accompanied with a hand running down his leg. Pulling away was probably more reliving than releasing a desperate piss that had been held in all day, and Kuroo’s irrational solutions ran through his head again. Drink, and drink some more. Just forget about it.

 

.

 

Ushijima’s eyes were fixated, almost violently, onto Kuroo. They followed him like a stalking predator no matter where he moved to, and as the night went on Kuroo did less moving and more sitting around half dying from being far too drunk. And now here he was, chugging a bottle of straight vodka, and talking to Ushijima like they were best friends with a few hateful comments thrown in the barely understandable slurring. To the others it only looked like Kuroo was joking with him, because Kuroo is _always_ joking. But no, he was deadly serious with his insults. “And like… you got this shit goin’ on like you’re above literally everyone. Like who do you think you aaaare…?” Kuroo’s words were drawled out and mushed together and sounded like entirely new language all together.

 

“Kuroo, I can’t understand you anymore.” Ushijima breathed out a laugh, nodding to Akaashi to assure he’s taking care of Kuroo.

 

“Basically… I’m sayin’ you’re a piece of shit.”

 

“Charming, really.” He watched Kuroo groan and let his head drop back, eyes struggling to hold themselves open. He moved a hand to touch Kuroo’s sheened face, tilting it to the side to face himself. “You’re warm.”

 

“Were yu’ meant to say… hot?”

 

“I could say that too.”

 

“Course you can, I mean… I’m hot enough for you to crave me that much to…” Even in Kuroo’s drunken state, he still managed to shut himself up and his eyes drew open, staring into Ushijima’s face. Kuroo’s expression was hard to read past the intoxication, his eyes glassy and miles away and his lips slightly parted into nor frown or smile.  He was simply staring. Ushijima found him incredibly captivating, gorgeous and all around appealing. He _wanted_ him, desperately. Finally, the only thing between their faces was their lips molded into each other. Ushijima’s hand massaging and playing around in Kuroo’s nest and they fell deeper into the lustful moment. However, Kuroo pulled away and weakly pushed against Ushijima’s face. “Stop.”

 

“Why? Don’t you want me?”

 

“Heeeeell no I don’t asshole.” He drawled, throwing his head away from Ushijima and groaning. “Think you’re forgettin’ what you did.”

 

The softer expression was replaced by something that resembled anger, and Ushijima brought his face close to Kuroo’s. “What I did? You wanted it, you asked for it.” He hissed.

 

Even though Kuroo struggled to keep his eyes still and open, those words were enough to hold them wide and filled with horror. No, he didn’t ask for it. How could he? Did he? Maybe he deserved it -- No, no one deserved that, but he didn’t ask for it. Kuroo’s doubt in himself grew rapidly, what did he do wrong? What did he do so _terribly_ wrong to provoke someone to rape him? It was definitely rape. The thoughts travelled to the pits of his stomach where the alcohol had already been stirring, and his face blanched paler. “I feel s-sick.”

 

“Don’t try get out of -” Ushijima was hushed with Kuroo’s sudden stumble off the sofa and barrelled in any direction to puke, a fraction of it already attempting to come up and was only saved from going on the walls by Kuroo’s hand cupping his own mouth. Ushijima hurried over to him and pulled him up the stairs, guiding him gently to avoid him falling over and hurting himself. “It’s okay, it’s okay. Toilet’s up here, try hold it for a moment longer.”

 

The music and conversations grew quieter as they moved to the upper floor, only the vibrations of the bass to remind them how loud they actually put the music. There was no one upstairs to witness Kuroo’s utterly pathetic state and Ushijima guided him into the bathroom, lifting the toilet seat for him. What followed seconds after was violent retching and the rather disgusting sound of the bodily fluids connecting with the toilet water. Thankfully, Ushijima had a strong stomach. He kneeled beside Kuroo and rubbed his back in circular motions, feeling the tremble of the boy under his touch. “Maybe that straight vodka wasn’t a good idea.” He mumbled, leaning back onto the wall beside the toilet as Kuroo continue to heave his guts out. A dark idea hit Ushijima like a tidal wave, and idea that maybe it was a _good_ idea. He couldn’t ignore his urges like this forever, not when Kuroo was this close and practically _begging_ for it. The _signals_ he shot Ushijima all night, it was perfect. He kicked the door shut and reached up to turn the lock, making a loud click. Kuroo visibly flinched from the sound, no doubt bringing back memories.

 

Ushijima began to pant heavily, running his eyes over Kuroo’s knelt over form and mentally undressed him. He couldn’t take it anymore, he just wanted to rip into that slim body and _break_ him. He craved to see him writhe in pain, he craved to witness tears stain the bed head's usually shit grinning face. It was all getting too much, and now the wait was finally over. His eyes flicked around the cramped bathroom and fell on a small bottle of baby oil, a sure thing to help things get going quicker. He reached up to grab it and threw his hands around Kuroo’s waist, clutching hard enough to bruise and felt his jutting hip bones. His hands eventually moved under the clothes and felt the warmth and softness of his skin. “Kuroo, you’re _beautiful_. And bony.”

 

Kuroo only managed to groan out some unintelligible response to the touching, his head still hanging over the edge of the toilet and his form remaining unmoving and slump. Ushijima pressed forwards and began to unbuckle Kuroo’s belt, releasing the grip his jeans had around his skinny waist and pulled them and his boxers down with ease, revealing that flawless ass of his. His hands caressed his hips, moving up slowly to push up his hoodie and t-shirt to view his lower back and his protruding spine. He ran a finger along the middle, feeling the bumps and texture of the spine before working around the anus. Just as Ushijima remembered, beautifully clean and smooth. He was almost surprised it wasn’t horribly mangled up after he was done with him last time, giving silent props to the human body. He lathered between the crack with baby oil, tipping a little bit into his hands and rubbed them together.

 

“Kuroo, babe… Wake up a little. I want you to feel this.” Ushijima reached over to shake Kuroo’s shoulder, receiving little response. “Well, if you won’t answer that way.” He jumped to plan B and forcefully pushed his middle finger up Kuroo’s hole, getting a promising response from that.

 

“O-owww… Wha’ the fuck…” He grumbled, voice slightly echoed from the surrounding toilet.

 

“Are you awake now, kitty?” He patronised, curving and twisting his finger around not so gently, causing Kuroo to squirm around and let out a pained moan. “Does it feel nice?”

 

“S-stop, seriously…”

 

Instead of stopping, Ushijima slipped his index finger into the tight space as well, proven far more difficult than fitting one finger in. “You’re still tight as ever.” He commented, hooking his fingers more unkindly and getting a generous feel of Kuroo’s insides. He wasn’t up for much more talking, in fact groans was probably all Kuroo could manage to form from how wasted he was. The hooking and twisting motioned switched up to retracting his fingers half way to shoved them violently back in, finger fucking the hell out of Kuroo. Ushijima began to take notice to his own uncomfortably hard boner, but he had one more mission to complete. He tugged Kuroo’s boxers further down and wrapped his free hand around his incredibly warm cock, massaging his thumb into the tip and squeezed. Finally, an almost _aroused_ moan softly left Kuroo’s lips. “What was that Kuroo? Did you say you _wanted_ this?”  

 

“N-no! Ushij- please, please stop.” Kuroo’s whining and sulking was music to Ushijima’s ears.

 

“Sounds to me like you’re enjoying yourself.” His voice was cruel and laced with fatal poison.

 

“I’m f-fuckin’ not, man get off!”

 

“Better quiet down… you wouldn’t want the others knowing how _disgusting_ you are, do you?”

 

 _Disgusting_. No way, they wouldn’t think that. “Y-you can’t scare me off telling someone.”

 

“I have pictures from last time, you know.” Ushijima removed his hand from Kuroo’s cock and whipped out his phone, putting the screen close to Kuroo’s face. Of course it was Ushijima’s cock plowing the shit out of Kuroo’s ass. “Won’t your parents disown you for performing such shameful acts? Won’t your friends judge you and look down on you for being such a whore? And don’t deny, that cute little moan earlier is proof you’re loving every moment.”

 

Kuroo had completely lost his voice then, he had no defensive argument to save himself. If his parents ever saw that picture… if anyone else- if _Daichi_ saw that picture. He liked Daichi, liked him too much to let him see how disgusting and vulgar he was. “Whu... How woul’ you know if my parents would care?!” He slurred, realisation hitting him that Ushijima mentioned his parents.

 

“I did a background check. Lovely homophobes, am I right?”

 

Great, he was also a stalker. He probably even knew he was going to turn up tonight. Kuroo’s face hit the bottom of the toilet seat that was propped up as he was shoved forwards again by Ushijima’s invading fingers and his hand made his way back to Kuroo’s _boner_. No, he couldn’t have a boner, what the hell was wrong with him?

 

“Turned on?”

 

“F-fuck! Stop it, please!” He lowered his half yell, fearful he’d be heard even though the music was still booming loud downstairs. Kuroo’s own breathing became erratic and heavy, feeling the building up warmth and tingling in his below areas. This was hell, why was he feeling good, this isn’t right, this is wrong, wrong, _wrong_. The euphoria finally burst, sending trembles and shakes down Kuroo’s legs, along with cloudy fluid dripping messily on the toilet. His already blurred vision borderlined to total blindness as tears burnt his eyes.

 

“See, you do like it.”

 

“Get off!” Kuroo growled through his clenched teeth, fighting through his intoxication to actually move now, but Ushijima still held him in place effortlessly. To Kuroo’s relief he finally removed his fingers from his aching hole. After moments had passed, Kuroo attempted to look behind him thinking that maybe Ushijima had stopped there, but he couldn’t be more wrong. He was getting his own cock out and smearing it in baby oil. “W-wait please, not that again -”

 

“We have lube this time, you will enjoy it.” Ushijima sat up onto his knees, leaning forwards to hold himself up with an arm on the edge of the toilet and pushed himself at the entrance. He had to restrain Kuroo’s desperate thrashing with one arm while he used the other to keep his tip at the entrance. While he pushed in, Kuroo could literally feel himself _rip_ , and before he could cry out he was reunited with Ushijima large hand clamped around his face. It was as though he was pushing slowly to taunt Kuroo, to rub it in that he’s won. After a quarter of the length made it in, Ushijima grew bored of the gentle act and slammed himself into Kuroo, racking his skinny body. The only sense of movement or response from Kuroo was the violent trembling and horrific muffled scream into Ushijima’s hand. That’s what he’d been waiting for all night, the pain. The way Kuroo’s tears fell upon Ushijima’s hand and the sweat transferred from his face. Now, he wanted more. He drew himself out to smash himself back in, again and again, pounding harshly and destroying Kuroo with each thrust. The baby oil this time round made Ushijima’s movements far smoother than with spit alone, granting him the ability to go harder and faster. Kuroo had finally stopped screaming into his hand, and now the only sound was the slapping of Ushijima’s balls against Kuroo and the slick, wet sound of his cock drilling Kuroo’s ass. A dead moan occasionally left Kuroo’s throat, as though Ushijima forced it out from the violent thrusting and Kuroo’s breath simply caught, but he was completely silent other than that. He felt it was safer to remove his hand from Kuroo’s face now, placing both hands on either sides of his hips to give himself firmer leverage. “You feel so good… So tight...” Ushijima panted, his pace quickening and glanced down to watch his entire length get swallowed by Kuroo’s ass.

 

Kuroo forgot how to even think, let alone say anything. His mind was dazed and hazy from not only the large quantity from alcohol, but also from his broken as hell soul. He felt himself go numb, and attempted to run through every possibility that could have led him to deserve this. He couldn’t even tell anyone, because everyone _loved_ Ushijima.

 

_(“You’re a liar, Kuroo. Ushijima would never do that.”)_

 

_(“Your fault for leading him on.”)_

 

_(“You probably only regret it, it’s not rape.”)_

 

_(“What did you expect after getting that drunk?”)_

 

_(“Fag.”)_

 

_Stop, stop, stop._

 

_(“Fucking disgusting! How could you bring this shame to our family?!”)_

 

_I didn’t want to…_

 

_(“Slut. Whore. Tramp.”)_

 

_I don’t want this._

 

_(“You were asking for it.”)_

 

_(“You even came, can’t be rape if you enjoyed it!”)_

 

The hot tears bled from his vacant eyes while his body was ravaged and violated. Even if he somehow managed to count the minutes that passed, it would still feel like an eternity later before he was done. Ushijima’s hot breath could be felt on Kuroo’s nape, gradually working its way closer to his face and a wet kiss was planted on his cheek. Kuroo hadn’t the energy or will to retreat away. His face was pale and sheened with a cold sweat, his unruly black hair matted to his face and his lips ever so slightly trembled as he bit down on them. Ushijima leaned forward again, allowing himself to push deeper, penetrating the deepest zone of Kuroo’s insides and the intensity of Ushijima’s moans grew. There was a feeling brewing, a _sick_ feeling, beneath all the pain and agony. It felt warm and tingly, sort of like a held back sneeze but deep inside where Ushijima’s cock was ramming into. Kuroo’s body had gone completely out of tune with his mind, rebelling against each other. The feeling was honestly driving what little was left of Kuroo’s mind crazy. He felt sick, disgusted, humiliated, pathetic. Ushijima grabbed onto Kuroo’s hair and his thrusts became erratic and animalistic, finally reaching his long desired climax and cumming deep inside Kuroo. He finished off with a few final snaps into his limp body before coming to a total stop, _finally_.

 

Ushijima heaved, his shoulders and back rising and falling with each greedy breath. It had been a while since he felt so amazing, the content smile falling upon his lips. Had ran a soothing hand down Kuroo’s back, working under the hoodie and t-shirt to feel his hot skin. “That felt great.” No response, not even a little bite back or snap. There was just silence. Ushijima pulled out completely and leaned forwards to look at Kuroo’s face. _Empty_. New tears overlapped the drying ones, his usually gleaming eyes dull and bland, a faint blush creeping across his nose and cheeks and drool running from the corner of his parted lips. “You’re so hot when I fuck you silly like that.” He chuckled and grabbed a tissue to clean up their semen and the small droplets of blood on the floor, destroying the evidence. He then moved to pull Kuroo’s jeans back up after his own, buckling his belt just how he found it. Kuroo looked fucked up at the very least, yet to anyone else it was only the alcohol that put him in that state.  

 

A sudden knock at the door caused Ushijima’s heart to skip a beat, and he found himself hurriedly going back to lean down to Kuroo’s face. _“Not a word.”_ He hissed at the unresponsive mess.

 

“Tetsuuuuu, you in there bro?” The voice called, and if Ushijima’s memory did him justice he would guess it was Bokuto.

 

“Yeah, he is. He’s not doing so good.” He replied, unlocking the door and his guess was correct. Although Bokuto didn’t look like he was going to be stood up for much longer himself.

 

“Oooo hey Ushi-whateva’! Oh shit, Kuroo’s fucked!” Bokuto’s booming laughter rang through the air. Funny he should say that. He pushed past Ushijima and crouched down next to his friend, slapping his hand on his back. “Bro! Wake up the party isn’t over ye- Oh my god that’s fuckin’ nasty.” Bokuto pulled his face away from the toilet and gagged, pulling Kuroo away from the revolting toilet aswell and quickly reached over to flush it. “‘Ey dude wanna help me get him down the stairs?” He asked while hooking Kuroo’s arm around the back of his neck, clearly struggling to lift him due to his own unsteadiness.

 

“Of course.”

 

 _Now_ Ushijima had ruined his life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes Ushijima is a bit of a psycho (P.S: I love Ushijima and bare no hatred against him even though I write him this OOC and mean *oops* I'll redeem my love for him maybe in the future and give ushi and kuroo the loving relationship they deserve. BUT! For now, lets wallow in suffering.)


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kuroo begins to crumble.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hooray, finally got this chapter done!

A strong odor that ranged from sour and alcoholic to straight up acidic crap straight out of a laboratory raided Kuroo’s nostrils, the bridge of his nose scrunching in response before his mind registered the vile smell. Upon gagging himself half awake at the least, his amber eyes squinted open and filled with bewilderment. Where was he? What is that god awful smell? Why did it feel like he had been shot in the head? Why was his cheek cold? Oh, his face was plastered onto the edge of the bare toilet seat. How hygienic. He slowly raised his head to be hit by an unkind wave of nausea and dizziness, his sight incapable of remaining still and levelled. He grumbled out what was an attempted curse word, but no words could be formed.

 

“You okay?” A warm hand ran down his back soothingly in which Kuroo flinched at barely, and the voice was barely processed through the fog and spinning. Kuroo forced himself to turn his head towards the source, meeting with a pair of worried, weary chocolate orbs. “You kinda got a bit too drunk… You’re at mine now.”

 

“Oh.” Kuroo’s voice was scratchy and hoarse. “Sorry.”

 

“No, don’t be. Drink water.” Daichi reassured, holding a glass close to Kuroo’s face. Daichi had to admit he’s never seen the Nekoma captain look so… Awful. His skin was pale, clammy and slightly blotchy, his nose and areas surrounding was warmed to an uneven red and his under eyes were deeply bruised and puffy. “Remember anything from last night?” He smirked.

 

Kuroo knitted his brows together, rummaging through his puzzled mind. There were snippets, blurs at most. He honestly couldn’t settle his memory to form a single event that lasted over 2 seconds. “Ugh what the hell… No clue.” He breathed a laugh, raising a hand to run it down his face. “Uh… were you up all night with me or something?”

 

“Not surprised, you were beyond wasted. And the majority of it, was in and out of sleep to be honest.” Daichi chuckled. “You had a bit of a thing going on with that Ushijima though, if that jogs your memory.” He felt his chest tighten up at that thought, the memory of seeing the two kiss outside of the spin the bottle game. Jealousy didn’t sit well with Daichi. He focused his eyes back onto Kuroo, who looked absolutely horrified. “What's wrong?”

 

“Ushijima?” Kuroo choked out, praying that the certain snippets that included _that guy_ was purely his imagination. The dull ache in his behind was probably explainable then. It started to crash down on his like an avalanche, the memories growing more clear as his brain woke up a bit more.

 

_(“What’s wrong, enjoyed taking it up the ass too much?”)_

 

Daichi was startled at the sudden waterfall of vomit being heaved up violently into the toilet, the sickening _splashing_ causing his own stomach to lose its bearings. Kuroo’s eyes were bloodshot red and tears threatened to spill from the corners, veins protruding from his neck from the strain of the retching. Daichi continued to rub Kuroo’s back, eyebrows curved in worry at his state. He reluctantly peeked into the toilet, noting the bright yellow. “You think you’re up for eating anything? That’s all bile.”

 

Kuroo shook his head frantically, bracing himself for another wave of acid ripping apart his throat. “Fuuuck, I hate being sick.” He almost whimpered. His knuckles turned paper white as he clutched desperately at the edges of the toilet, keeping himself balanced and avoid falling over from the lack of energy his had. Daichi would usually feel no sympathy for hangover victims, but Kuroo was in such a mess he couldn’t not feel something for him.

 

“Stupid, why’d you drink yourself into this?”

 

“I dunnnoo…” He whined, scrunching his eyes tightly shut to lock away the tears. “This is embarrassing, sorry Daichi.”  

 

“No worries, now I have something to hold against you.” He snickered, receiving a huff for an attempted laugh from Kuroo. “Bokuto isn’t so much better. His heads been in a bucket all night.”

 

“Sounds better than a toilet… People shit in these.”

 

“That’s true. We’ll go get some hangover cure food later once everyone’s raised from the dead, how long you plan- you guys planning on staying?”

 

In all honestly, Kuroo wanted to leave right then and there and cry his heart out. He’s never felt so shameful and disgusting in his entire life. He wanted a shower, some holy water to bath in, or maybe just set fire to himself, _anything._

 

_(“What would your parents think? I bet Ushijima has posted those pictures through the letterbox already!”)_

 

_What pictures…_

 

_(“Maybe you even want him to fuck you like a bitch again.”)_

 

_(“Daichi’s gonna think you’re fucking revolting. He won’t look at so as kindly as this anymore.”)_

 

_“...ey are you okay?”_

 

“Oh god, Kuroo? Are you crying?!” Daichi’s strong hands were held onto each of Kuroo’s bony shoulders, shaking him slightly out of his little trance. He couldn’t feel the tears, or even his body, and he couldn’t bring himself to move a single muscle. His eyes were widened and glassed over, his entire body trembling. “Kuroo?”

 

“F-fuck.” Kuroo stammered out, throwing his head down into his hands. Was he seriously crying? In front of Daichi? “It’s nothing, sorry.”

 

“Kuroo.” Daichi began, his voice firm and almost intimidating. “That wasn’t nothing, what’s wrong?”       

 

“Don’t tell Bo, he’ll make fun of me until I die.”

 

“Seriously, what’s up?” He almost felt bad he was pretty much forcing Kuroo to share his feelings, but this sudden onset of his strange behaviour was unnerving. Was it to do with what he overheard?

 

“I just…” Kuroo didn’t dare raise his gaze to meet with Daichi’s and only focussed on the trembling of his own hands. “Feel really sick.”

 

It was already clear that Kuroo wasn’t going to talk, so Daichi finally let his shoulders sink and nodded.

* * *

 

When Kuroo arrived back in Tokyo, he couldn't remember how he even made it back home. The house was dark and quiet, and Kuroo’s consciousness finally faded back into him just staring at the ceiling. He felt even the ceiling was judging him and cracked out a hollow laugh. Laughing was the complete opposite response he was suppose to have to what he was feeling right now, but maybe he just did it as a stress coping mechanism. Makes perfect sense. Kuroo has always laughed off his troubles in the past, what’s so hard about this one?

 

_(“Dirty whore, you loved it. You’re in denial.”)_

 

It had taken him all day to realise the pest in his head was his own voice. Mocking him. Shaming him. It was his voice because everything it said was probably true.

 

_No way, I don’t want that shit again._

 

_(“Are you sure? Maybe you need to accept you’re dirty as fuck. Let’s break all the rules… Say you want more.”)_

 

Had he gone insane? He didn’t know. Not a damn clue. Maybe he did know, but he didn’t want to admit it. Kuroo’s eyes slid shut and vivid images and feelings filled his blank sight. Ushijima’s touch lingered and was remembered very clearly, Kuroo hated it. It felt so wrong, disgusting, _amazing._

 

He sat up in a cold sweat. He couldn't tell if he just fell asleep or he just imagined that in a matter of 10 seconds. _This isn’t right, this is wrong. So wrong. What the fuck is wrong with me. Am I a fucking fag? No, no, no I can’t be. Fuck that, fuck this all._

 

Kuroo opened his eyes again which he didn’t recall shutting, along with all his senses returning to be met with music, hazy air, flashing lights and a pair of dark eyes staring intently into his own. They may not about been _his,_ but they were close enough. While he was busy thinking about how this stranger resembled his violator, it didn’t occur to him for a good while why he was in a… Nightclub? _What the fuck?_

 

“So… What d’ya say? Wanna come with?” The stranger shouted over the music, Kuroo spotting the way his ran his tongue along his upper lip. Why was he here, how did he get here, what the hell happened to the rest of the day? And most importantly, why was he nodding to this guy he didn’t know? Kuroo felt trapped, chained down in his own body. The taste of alcohol mixed with the usual cigarette taste was strong in his taste buds, and his nose had a strange tingling sensation irritating it that provoked him to rub it frequently.

 

The cold air of the outside felt like a slap in the face, along with the familiar disorientation and dizziness. He was sure Oikawa’s party was already over and done with, so why was he still drunk? He attempted to gather his surroundings even just a tiny bit as he followed this stranger into a taxi cab. There were nightclubs everywhere, likely in the gay club area of the city. Kuroo was only 17, how the hell did he manage to get into one. “I- uh… I’m only 17.” He murmured while his gaze fixated outside of the window. He had kind of hoped his younger age would put this clearly way older dude off him, but who was he kidding.

 

“Hah I knew you weren’t 20. You’ve got a bit of youth to your features… It’s okay. I still like you. If not more...”

 

 _Creep._ Kuroo turned his head back towards the man, feeling his vision shake and rattle at his sudden movement. No matter how hard Kuroo focussed, he still couldn’t make out the guy’s features clearly. Dark hair, dark eyes, tall… _Like Ushijima. Wait, wait no fuck that._

 

_(“What’s that? You’re in love with him or something?”)_

 

_Like fuck I am. I don’t even know what the fuck is going on._

 

“You okay there babe? Lookin’ kinda spaced out,” he leaned in close to Kuroo’s face, cupping a hand to hide whatever he was about to say from the taxi driver, “I’ve got more shit in my flat so we can keep the party going.” He pulled away and shot Kuroo a wink. _What shit?_

 

The bedhead could barely keep his mind fixed onto one subject, one moment he was questioning what this guy was talking about and the next he’s questioning why he was still sat in this taxi and not yet ran out for his life yet. He came close to it, yet he couldn’t bring himself to. As though he was duct taped to the seat, feeling like someone was literally holding him down.

 

_(“Why are you trying to get away? You want this, don’t you?”)_

 

“Oh fuck.”

 

“What’s up? Y’know what, nevermind. We’re here.” Nameless guy handed the taxidriver a handful of cash and exited the taxi, waving his hand in a motion to tell Kuroo to come out too. But Kuroo couldn’t feel his legs. He knew this was bad, he was probably far from home, he was with a stranger that’s obviously going to fuck him, and for all he knew this could be some serial killer. The taxi driver turned his head and gave Kuroo a concerned look, as though to ask him if he was alright. But he shook it off and got out the taxi cab, making hesitant steps towards his one night stand.

 

Kuroo was only denying he had lost his mind _because_ he had lost his mind. What the hell had overcome him to forget practically the entire day? And now he was stepping into unknown territory, an untidy looking apartment home to the creepy dude he was making out with against the wall. The way he grabbed Kuroo hips sent shivers down him, and the way he roughly yanked at his clothing and hair. Kuroo would blame the alcohol, but he was pretty sure even if his head was cut off he’d still fight his way out of this situation.

 

_(“You see, you were asking for it.”)_

 

They crashed onto a lumpy mattress, the sheets feeling scratchy under Kuroo’s soothe skin. He felt nails graze his back under his black shirt, and another hand clutch onto his backside. The heated moment stopped abruptly and Kuroo finally found the time to catch his breath and his bearings. The room was spinning, and his eyes routinely attempted to roll back if Kuroo didn’t try to control them. He laid there staring at the ceiling, yet again. Another ceiling that was likely judging him.

 

“Babe, come here.” He felt a hand shake his shoulder and Kuroo craned his neck, watching his company hold out a flat mirror with powder lined up on it, specks spraying off in certain places. He muddled through his mind, knowing exactly what it was yet he was still in disbelief.

 

“What, no, no that shit’s illegal as hell… And… no.” Kuroo stumbled off the bed and backed away, his logical senses finally beginning to kick in. Even if it wasn’t illegal he still wouldn’t dare do that crap, would he?

 

He stared at Kuroo wide eyed before breaking out in a booming laugh. “You’re funny, kid. You’ve been doin’ it all night!”

 

A chilled wave formed over Kuroo’s head, and he momentarily held his breath. There was no way… What was wrong with him? He couldn’t recall an ounce of what happened before this moment, there was something seriously off. But then why was he stepping closer to the bed, a distant idea floating around in his head that he _wanted_ to take it.

 

_Please stop this… My parents are going to disown me._

 

The burning sensation shot up his nostrils and through his sinuses, leaving a distinct sour and unnatural taste at the back of his throat moments later. Kuroo moved his wavering eyes to meet with dark ones, seeing only Ushijima. “I want…” He breathed out, brushing his lips against his rough stubbly cheeks, “I want you to fuck me.”

 

**.**

 

“Hey Bo…” Kuroo let out a heavy sigh into his phone, not entirely paying attention to whether Bokuto had spoken yet or not.

 

There was rustling on the other end, and a distant click of a light switch. _“Dude! Where the fuck are you bro, your mom’s been calling me like crazy asking where you are!”_ Bokuto sounded frantic and short of breath.

 

A bitter breeze passed through Kuroo’s skin and touched his bones, leaving him with a shiver. He only skimmed over the 80 odd missed calls from his Mother, Bokuto and Kenma. He couldn't have been gone for that long surely. “I… took a walk?”

 

_“Kuroo. It's Monday, your mom said you haven't been at home since we got back from Miyagi. And Kenma said you didn’t go to school. Bro what's happened please tell me, you're okay right?”_

 

His mind was blank, the last thing he recalled was leaving someone’s flat throwing up his guts. But that wasn’t even memory to cover 2 days. Kuroo should have been terrified, confused, everything along the lines of horrified, but he felt nothing. Like it was completely normal to have such large gaps in his memory.

 

_“You still there? Where are you, I’ll come get you.”_

 

“No it’s fine, I’ll just go home.” Kuroo made a brief glance around and quite frankly had no clue where he was. He’ll just find a taxi cab, with his no amount of money.

 

 _“I’m not fucking around here man tell me where you are.”_ Bokuto’s voice was seething and wavering, and Kuroo swallowed down his nerves. It was rare to hear his best friend sound so serious, the last time being...

 

_(“When you got fucked in the changing rooms?”)_

 

The fear, the disgust, the anxiety all returned back in one go. Kuroo was _trying_ to get control back again, and he hadn’t realised in doing so he’s just been fucking up big time. “Fuck… fuck, fuck. I don’t know what I’m doing.” He tried to hold in the sob or make it as minimal as possible, but his tears weren’t cooperating.

 

_“Tetsu… Hey don’t cry it’s fine! Just don’t move, I got your apple ID so I’ll just find you that way. Okay? Don’t. Move.”_

 

_I don’t want to move, I wish I’d just die right here._

* * *

 

The way Kuroo’s parents showed they even remotely cared, was by getting mad. Really mad. Even Bokuto had to go hide away in a corner to dodge their wrath. Kuroo just took it all, because he couldn’t hear their raised volume, he couldn’t see their red boiled faces masked with fury, he couldn't think of later consequences. He just wanted to sleep, and sleep some more, and never wake up.

 

“You _stink_ of alcohol! And have you been smoking again? What the hell is wrong with you boy? Are you rebelling on us?”

 

“Look at your damn face Tetsurou, you look terrible. What were you doing?”

 

“Damn kid wants to go out partying go right ahead, we won’t support you if you fuck up in school.”

 

“Be quiet.” Mrs Kuroo hissed to her husband before turning back to face her son. Out of the two, Kuroo had always prefered his mother. “Tetsurou, get yourself cleaned up and we’ll talk about this tomorrow.” She nodded towards Bokuto before turning to leave. His father however, looked like he could kill a man.

 

He kissed his teeth and scowled. “He’s probably still fucking drunk right now -”

 

“Leave him alone, Tetsurou and Koutarou go upstairs.”

 

**.**

 

The silence weighed heavily on the two friends, no words spoken since shutting themselves in Kuroo’s room. The only sound being the dull downed voices of his parents arguing on the floor beneath them. Bokuto searched desperately for something to say, but he didn’t know how to approach the situation. “Hey bro… Wanna tell me what’s up?”

 

Kuroo shook his head, sitting crossed legged on the bed fiddling with his fingers. “You don’t have to stay.”

 

“Well I’m gonna. So we’ve got all night for you to tell me what’s going on with you.” Bokuto joined him on the bed and sat opposite him, bringing his face close to his. “Is this about…”

 

The pained expression on the owl’s face was enough to pick up what he was referring to. It was in fact somewhat of the problem, but just that it happened again and now his crappy way of dealing with it was sleeping around with random people drunk and high off his ass. So he just shrugged, not wanting to lie to Bokuto but not wanting to admit it either.

 

“Tetsu please tell me who it was. Look what they did.” The hurt was quickly replaced by anger, Bokuto literally looking like he was going to punch through a wall again. “You can’t protect them forever. I’ll find out.”

 

“Good luck.”

 

“I’m not kidding dude! This is bad, and I know you’re high on something. Do you realise how much shit you’d get into if you ran into the police? You life would be over!”

 

 _It’s already over._ “I’m not high.”

 

“Really? Then why are your pupils blown like that? Don’t lie to me I’m not that dumb.”

 

“Alcohol does that too.”

 

“Yeah, and alcohol also doesn’t leave you like a trembling leaf and twitchin’ like crazy.” Bokuto leaned forward and inspected Kuroo’s face. “You look seriously fucked up.”

 

“Thanks, I try.” Kuroo watched Bokuto groan in frustration and throw his hands up to his face, falling backwards on the bed. “You’re missing all your trains home you know.”

 

“Don’t care. I’ll sleep on your floor. Or even outside your door if you try kick me out.”

 

“You have school.”

 

“Fuck school, I’m not moving until you talk to me.”

 

Kuroo sighed and chewed at the skin around his thumb nail. “You already know what’s up.”

 

“Tip of the iceberg kinda shit. I still don’t know what you were doing all weekend, or how you’re feeling right now, or anything.” Bokuto sat up again and looked at Kuroo pleadingly. “You always tell me everything…”

 

“God Bokuto I don’t have to tell you my life.” Kuroo snapped, instantly regretting raising his voice. He didn’t know what else to do but get angry. He was _so_ angry. Angry at Ushijima, angry at himself, angry at the world.

 

_(“Boohoo, are your sensitive feelings a bit hurt?”)_

 

“I just… want to be alone Bo. Sorry.”

 

Bokuto ran a hand through his two-toned hair and sighed, nodding ever so slightly at Kuroo. “Can we at least hug?” They leaned into each other and Bokuto wrapped his bulky arms around Kuroo, feeling the tremble through his body. Kuroo was skinny anyway, but the chunk in weight drop was obvious now he held him in his arms. What Bokuto didn’t expect however, was his shoulder to grow damp and eventually soaked in this new found moisture. A soft sob beside his face confirmed his suspicions, Kuroo was crying. For the second time in one night, and yet Bokuto could never get used to it. It only just hit him that his rival, his best friend had never dared shed a single tear in front of him until tonight, and it left a dull ache in his own chest.

 

It was settled there that Bokuto wasn’t going to leave him, and just stayed up with him all night and for however much longer Kuroo needed him to be there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter may seem like a complete mess and super choppy but I was attempting to make the "sudden jumps" between places or events to reflect on how Kuroo was seeing it as. Obviously, me being an amateur writer I couldn't pull it off as well as I hoped and it just looks a bit messy now *sigh*, nevertheless, I hope it was somewhat enjoyable! 
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> **[NOTE: I'm not trying to romanticize the rape, Kuroo's feelings are solely based on his deteriorating mental state (in other words, I was attempting to get it across that he's having a breakdown. His actions are more to do with how he wants to get control back again, clearly in a questionable way but he's not able to think clearly. As for the desire for Ushijima, it is more of a way to gain the control back from the one who stole it, so he goes with men who look remotely like him.) I hope that makes this chapter a bit more clear and felt I had to add this in to clear up any unintended offence I may cause, as this is a sensitive topic.]**


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